The Bangsawan Aftermath
What a night, of high intense emotions rushing through thin air, and the anticipation of all Houses waiting for the result of their masterpieces.... A night of anxiety, a night when it all ends, a night where i've put my best effort in, and a night that changes my life...
I'm sure that all the Houses have their problems, but the next few paragraphs, i am going to bore/share with you what i've felt, what i've seen, what i've done, and what i've failed to do...
.. As the Head of Backdrop -
Words can never ever ever ever express what i feel as the Head of Backdrop, but as means of description, i'll try to type one by one what i've been through..
Clueless, as i am, i didnt know what to do. I was told that i need to buy cloth, draw and paint a new backdrop then figure ways to hang the backdrop on the night. So i did bought cloth, sew them together then drew and painted it - of course with help!
Others doubt me, saying , " Sempat ke Jo?" or " Baru nak start ke??". The timid me just smiled and walked away. Because i was confident that we can finish it in due time, and that i believe that Garnetors will come and help. I was right, we DID finish it in the end! And i was soooo GLAD - that the backdrop is beautiful. Though the colors were not really what i'd imagine it to be, but it MADE a pretty good backdrop for the play. I was soo proud of it, so proud of Bangbil and all the other Garnetors who helped. I know i didnt do much, but i soo damn proud that the Garnetors were able to finish it, way before the Bangsawan.
Just before i could give myself a pat on the back, news came, saying that we're gonna use the OLD backdrop - the one we used last year, and the previous year. I was stunned. It's like 5 different feelings going through your head at the same time. I was soo blur, and since there's only minutes to the rehearsal, i went on with it - yes, using the OLD one. I was crushed. I felt sooo bad, and stupid, and wasted...
Just as i've predicted, some Guniors came and cried. They wanted an explanation, i was unable to give one myself, but i told them what i have been told, and that i was terribly sorry. Indeed, i was really really reallly reallly sorry. Of course, all those who've helped were expecting to see the NEW backdrop on, but then in the final hour, the OLD one was used. Who wouldnt feel wasted? Who wouldnt? I felt soo bad and stupid. If i could, i would give back all the time and effort the Garnetors gave towards completing the backdrop.
But too bad, i was just a mere useless mortal, incapable of doing anything right. I know it's not fair and i know that whatever i say its not gonna take the guilt away. So i decided to see Mr D the next day, the day of Bangsawan itself, but instead i got a message saying ".. it's hard to please everyone... ' that i am to decide on whether we're using the old or the new one.
Why? Why? Why tell me the change of plan, and then now shifting the responsibility of being the 'bad guy' to me? So now it's up to me to decide, and if i decide to use the OLD backdrop, it would be my FAULT?? But i kept all my emotions deep in me for another day. I know this wasnt a solution, crying over it isnt gonna solve anything.
I gave it a long thought and pointed out the 'Greater Good'. If this is for the 'Greater Good' or Garnet, i will become the bad guy, i'll take the dive.. Then came another message saying that i can use the NEW backdrop if i can make it the same size as the old one... Hahahahaah yea right, like i have cloth and paint now and sew it back, then i can use it.. Hahahaaa.. isnt it a bit too late for that now?
Thank goodness, the rest of Garnet made it all easier for me. They told me "it's okay, Jo".. i felt sooo relieved. Though i know deep down in their heavy hearts,they were unsatisfied and probably felt PISSED, i thank them soo sooo much!!! I want all of them to know that their efforts are not wasted, as long as the backdrops still exists. The backdrop stays a backdrop, but in my heart, their efforts are gold, and i will always remember that each and every one of them helped made this happen.
It really felt like, i didnt do anything at all. And that i let everyone down. I know i dont have to feel this way, but it's just my nature to keep things deep inside my heart, until it breaks me one day ( though it did break me in the middle of it all... ).
Though we didnt use the NEW backdrop this year, i appreciate and i thank every single of them who helped with the backdrop. I am terribly sorry for what happened, i know i failed you, but let this be known, that it was never my intention to waste the effort, and that once again, i am sorry. This is a lesson learnt the hard way...
....
- I cried.. -
Most of you didnt know, but yes, Jojo cried okay... C-R-I-E-D... not like a baby but tears came rolling down.. It was the rehearsal day. Several events that lead me to it..
- lack of sleep and rest
- Change of plan - OLD & NEW backdrop
- complains
- pressure from others
- my inefficiency
- the guilt
- my inability to help Oggy
- my own self
Sorry to say, but i was sooo confused and crushed that day. SOo much things happened and i just accumulated all of them inside me. Then it just came bursting out. I've been holding it as long as i could, but that night, DAMN, i couldnt help it. I ran to the toilet, and cried my ass out. Not to mention, my nose was bleeding like hell, running like pipe water... but after a while, i made myself stop. then slowly, i went out, then i felt soo hollow...
- My Time & Effort -
Staying up late, painting, sticking, cutting and crafting things are not a problem. I know that someone had to do it, so most of us girls gave up our sleeping time to make it happen for Garnet. And i trust that every one of us have no regrets - hey, we won Best Props wad...
Just to show the Guniors that if you really set your mind to something, you can make it happen. Even when it involves no sleep at all... heheee.. no laa.. it wasnt that bad, kan seniors?? *giggles
- The Winning Moment -
What really made it all worth it, was when we won Best Props.... It kinda showed me that all i did - skipping classes to buy cloth, carrying heavy spraypaints and poster colors through the busy streets of KL, making others cry, making myself feel like a fool, staying up late to do Props, and all that stuff ... was really worth it. I was soooo happy and glad that we won Best Props. Prooves that our Props memang gempak laa.. hahahha
- To Oggy -
I know that i can never say this to you personally... i tend to forget what i wanna say..
AS a leader, i adore you sooo much. You're soo cool, and soo chill. And you're so creative.. You're the best Housecap ever!! I'm just soo sorry i was unable to help you, or even to assist you. You may have ur "emo" moments at times - hey, who doesnt, you're handling one of the hardest, most vital section in Bangsawan tau, but you always manage to pull out a smile somehow.
I feel so bad when i cant get the backdrop up, of which of course is my responsibility and that you need to find time and crack ur head about it. I feel so guilty when you tried so hard to get the backdrop up, and that I was unable to pull the string, and get the backdrop straight. I feel so duuh, when you can act and tie the string damn fast, and that you'd always have to pull your sour face and come help my side - i cant tie it fast even, i cant even tie a perfect knot. I feel so useless, staring at you, when you're doing all the work, and that i can just sit and stare. I'm not afraid of you or whatever. Just that, i want you to know that you did a really really great job!!
I felt that i let you down, Oggy. And i know that i did. I'm sorry i was inefficient, slow and duuh. I tried my very best, but still i cant keep up with you. So i'm sooo sorry Oggy....
Still, putting matters aside, we're still gonna work together for the yearbook. I really really hope that i can straighten things out, and make this Yearbook GEMPAK giler!!! I know you can do it, and i will try as hard as i can, to keep up with you...
To sum everything up, this Bangsawan is really an eye opening experience for me. I've learnt so much through the course of organizing and making it happen. I'm happy to be a part of it, and i'd like to express my deepest gratitude to ALL WHO's HELPED GARNET, in making this Bangsawan happen. I'm soo glad it's over, and i cant wait to get back to my studies..
so cute la this pic... i like the crab!
To juniors, learn from the seniors, and i know that you're an amazing batch! So next year,
GEMPAKKANLAH LAGI BANGSAWAN GARNET, yea!!!!!
I'm sure that all the Houses have their problems, but the next few paragraphs, i am going to bore/share with you what i've felt, what i've seen, what i've done, and what i've failed to do...
.. As the Head of Backdrop -
Words can never ever ever ever express what i feel as the Head of Backdrop, but as means of description, i'll try to type one by one what i've been through..
Clueless, as i am, i didnt know what to do. I was told that i need to buy cloth, draw and paint a new backdrop then figure ways to hang the backdrop on the night. So i did bought cloth, sew them together then drew and painted it - of course with help!
Others doubt me, saying , " Sempat ke Jo?" or " Baru nak start ke??". The timid me just smiled and walked away. Because i was confident that we can finish it in due time, and that i believe that Garnetors will come and help. I was right, we DID finish it in the end! And i was soooo GLAD - that the backdrop is beautiful. Though the colors were not really what i'd imagine it to be, but it MADE a pretty good backdrop for the play. I was soo proud of it, so proud of Bangbil and all the other Garnetors who helped. I know i didnt do much, but i soo damn proud that the Garnetors were able to finish it, way before the Bangsawan.
Just before i could give myself a pat on the back, news came, saying that we're gonna use the OLD backdrop - the one we used last year, and the previous year. I was stunned. It's like 5 different feelings going through your head at the same time. I was soo blur, and since there's only minutes to the rehearsal, i went on with it - yes, using the OLD one. I was crushed. I felt sooo bad, and stupid, and wasted...
Just as i've predicted, some Guniors came and cried. They wanted an explanation, i was unable to give one myself, but i told them what i have been told, and that i was terribly sorry. Indeed, i was really really reallly reallly sorry. Of course, all those who've helped were expecting to see the NEW backdrop on, but then in the final hour, the OLD one was used. Who wouldnt feel wasted? Who wouldnt? I felt soo bad and stupid. If i could, i would give back all the time and effort the Garnetors gave towards completing the backdrop.
But too bad, i was just a mere useless mortal, incapable of doing anything right. I know it's not fair and i know that whatever i say its not gonna take the guilt away. So i decided to see Mr D the next day, the day of Bangsawan itself, but instead i got a message saying ".. it's hard to please everyone... ' that i am to decide on whether we're using the old or the new one.
Why? Why? Why tell me the change of plan, and then now shifting the responsibility of being the 'bad guy' to me? So now it's up to me to decide, and if i decide to use the OLD backdrop, it would be my FAULT?? But i kept all my emotions deep in me for another day. I know this wasnt a solution, crying over it isnt gonna solve anything.
I gave it a long thought and pointed out the 'Greater Good'. If this is for the 'Greater Good' or Garnet, i will become the bad guy, i'll take the dive.. Then came another message saying that i can use the NEW backdrop if i can make it the same size as the old one... Hahahahaah yea right, like i have cloth and paint now and sew it back, then i can use it.. Hahahaaa.. isnt it a bit too late for that now?
Thank goodness, the rest of Garnet made it all easier for me. They told me "it's okay, Jo".. i felt sooo relieved. Though i know deep down in their heavy hearts,they were unsatisfied and probably felt PISSED, i thank them soo sooo much!!! I want all of them to know that their efforts are not wasted, as long as the backdrops still exists. The backdrop stays a backdrop, but in my heart, their efforts are gold, and i will always remember that each and every one of them helped made this happen.
It really felt like, i didnt do anything at all. And that i let everyone down. I know i dont have to feel this way, but it's just my nature to keep things deep inside my heart, until it breaks me one day ( though it did break me in the middle of it all... ).
Though we didnt use the NEW backdrop this year, i appreciate and i thank every single of them who helped with the backdrop. I am terribly sorry for what happened, i know i failed you, but let this be known, that it was never my intention to waste the effort, and that once again, i am sorry. This is a lesson learnt the hard way...
....
- I cried.. -
Most of you didnt know, but yes, Jojo cried okay... C-R-I-E-D... not like a baby but tears came rolling down.. It was the rehearsal day. Several events that lead me to it..
- lack of sleep and rest
- Change of plan - OLD & NEW backdrop
- complains
- pressure from others
- my inefficiency
- the guilt
- my inability to help Oggy
- my own self
Sorry to say, but i was sooo confused and crushed that day. SOo much things happened and i just accumulated all of them inside me. Then it just came bursting out. I've been holding it as long as i could, but that night, DAMN, i couldnt help it. I ran to the toilet, and cried my ass out. Not to mention, my nose was bleeding like hell, running like pipe water... but after a while, i made myself stop. then slowly, i went out, then i felt soo hollow...
- My Time & Effort -
Staying up late, painting, sticking, cutting and crafting things are not a problem. I know that someone had to do it, so most of us girls gave up our sleeping time to make it happen for Garnet. And i trust that every one of us have no regrets - hey, we won Best Props wad...
Just to show the Guniors that if you really set your mind to something, you can make it happen. Even when it involves no sleep at all... heheee.. no laa.. it wasnt that bad, kan seniors?? *giggles
- The Winning Moment -
What really made it all worth it, was when we won Best Props.... It kinda showed me that all i did - skipping classes to buy cloth, carrying heavy spraypaints and poster colors through the busy streets of KL, making others cry, making myself feel like a fool, staying up late to do Props, and all that stuff ... was really worth it. I was soooo happy and glad that we won Best Props. Prooves that our Props memang gempak laa.. hahahha
- To Oggy -
I know that i can never say this to you personally... i tend to forget what i wanna say..
AS a leader, i adore you sooo much. You're soo cool, and soo chill. And you're so creative.. You're the best Housecap ever!! I'm just soo sorry i was unable to help you, or even to assist you. You may have ur "emo" moments at times - hey, who doesnt, you're handling one of the hardest, most vital section in Bangsawan tau, but you always manage to pull out a smile somehow.
I feel so bad when i cant get the backdrop up, of which of course is my responsibility and that you need to find time and crack ur head about it. I feel so guilty when you tried so hard to get the backdrop up, and that I was unable to pull the string, and get the backdrop straight. I feel so duuh, when you can act and tie the string damn fast, and that you'd always have to pull your sour face and come help my side - i cant tie it fast even, i cant even tie a perfect knot. I feel so useless, staring at you, when you're doing all the work, and that i can just sit and stare. I'm not afraid of you or whatever. Just that, i want you to know that you did a really really great job!!
I felt that i let you down, Oggy. And i know that i did. I'm sorry i was inefficient, slow and duuh. I tried my very best, but still i cant keep up with you. So i'm sooo sorry Oggy....
Still, putting matters aside, we're still gonna work together for the yearbook. I really really hope that i can straighten things out, and make this Yearbook GEMPAK giler!!! I know you can do it, and i will try as hard as i can, to keep up with you...
To sum everything up, this Bangsawan is really an eye opening experience for me. I've learnt so much through the course of organizing and making it happen. I'm happy to be a part of it, and i'd like to express my deepest gratitude to ALL WHO's HELPED GARNET, in making this Bangsawan happen. I'm soo glad it's over, and i cant wait to get back to my studies..
so cute la this pic... i like the crab!GEMPAKKANLAH LAGI BANGSAWAN GARNET, yea!!!!!
